Pigeon holes, labeling and online dating

I’ll start with a warning shall I, this one isn’t as amusing as the others the world is mean and I’m being mean back.


I joined a dating site a few weeks ago (plenty of fish . com) and it’s a slog just using it, you send message after message to girls who never answer, but oddly this is not what’s annoying me, if I’m not their type then I’m not. I decided to do a little research today, so went to my trusty friend google. Course I forgot what kind of friend google is, google brings you everything not caring there is stuff in there you’d rather not know. So what I wanted to know was the general opinion out there of when to mention your disabled when dating online, whither you put it on your profile or mention it in your conversations. So in return google gives me a few forum posts on the subject, a few interesting articles on the subject and a few dating websites spesificaly for people with disabilities. It’s the last one that made me squirm and I wasn’t sure why for a little while. But then it came to me, it’s labeling in the nastiest way, the kind well meaning way.


I can understand the logic:

1. Disabled people understand what it is to be disabled – so does this mean abled bodied people can’t? I’d say no.

2. Disabled people find it hard to get dates. – as do allot of people, but I’ll agree with this point as I find it hard to see facial expressions sometimes and have probably missed an interested girl or two.

3. It takes away the whole ‘do I mention it’/’how do I mention it’ problem mentioned earlier – I’ll give them this too.

See I’ve agreed with two points, but point 1 is the one that’s the most utter crap, if we follow this logic then we’d be agreeing with all those little bigots who think only people with the same skin tone can date, you shouldn’t date if someone had a different passport than you or that one group is better or worse than another. It makes a mockery of the idea their trying to promote, very good you’ve worked out disabled people need love and partners, but do you really think the best way of doing that is to define us by that. WE’RE F@@@ING PEOPLE not a collection of damaged bits!!!


Labeling and pigeon holing people into categories like this is unhealthy for a society, it leads to bad places. It leads to people looking down on others simply because they’ve had the misfortune to pick an asshole as a partner who left them with a child, it leads to the kind of place where people don’t think twice about ignoring someone based on their country of origin, it leads to a place where we’re scared of the different, and I don’t like the sound of that place!


About andydwn

I'm a student, and I'm writing a blog to get all my random thoughts out on my head and into any unsuspecting reader's.
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